Adopting a Child in Britain: Advice for Potential Adopters

ACKNOWLEDGMENTS

DISCLAIMER

INTRODUCTION
What Is the Purpose of This Book?
Words, Words
Terminology in Adoption
About Me and My Family

I: WHAT IS ADOPTION?
What Is Parental Responsibility?
What Is the Purpose of Adoption?

II: ARE THERE LOTS OF BABIES TO ADOPT?
Children as a Commodity in a Market Economy
Some Adoption Statistics
So, There Are Children Available to Adopt, Then?

III: MORE ABOUT THE CHILDREN AVAILABLE FOR ADOPTION
Older Children
Non-White Children
Children with Mental Handicaps or Learning Disabilities
Children with Physical Handicaps
Children of Mothers Addicted to Drugs or Alcohol, or with HIV
Children with Genetic Disorders, or Who May Carry Defective Genes
Children with Limited Life Expectancy
Abused and Neglected Children
What Is Emotional Abuse?
What Is Physical Abuse?
What Is Sexual Abuse?
What Is Neglect?
Abused Children in the New Family
Foundlings
Children of Incest or Rape
Brothers and Sisters: Children in Sibling Groups
Children You Already Know
What about Private Adoptions?

IV: IS ADOPTION RIGHT FOR YOU?
Are You Infertile?
Mourning Infertility or the Death of a Child
Bad Reasons for Adopting
To Save Your Marriage
As a Companion, a Cure for Depression, or for Company in Your Old Age
As a Pension Plan
To Replace a Child Who Has Died
As a Companion for an Only Child
To Get a Servant or Extra Hand on the Farm
Because All Your Friends Have Babies
As a Fashion Accessory or Political Statement
To Carry on the Family Name
To Have a Successor in the Family Business
To Do a Needy Child a Favour

V: ARE YOU RIGHT FOR ADOPTION?
Are You Realistic about the Ups and Downs of Parenthood?
Are You Happy in Your Marriage and Yourself?
Are You United in Your Adoption Goals?
Do You Like Children as Well as Love Them?
Is There a Child-Shaped Hole in Your Life?
I’m Not Sure Whether Adoption Is Right for Me ...

VI: ALTERNATIVES TO ADOPTION
Residence Orders
Special Guardianship
Fostering
Parallel or Twin-Track Planning
Concurrent Planning
Private, Agency or Local Authority Fostering?
Local Authority Social Services Departments
Voluntary and For-Profit Agencies
Private Fostering
What’s the Difference Between Adoption and Fostering?
What Kinds of Fostering Are There?
Pre-Adoption Fostering
Short-Term Fostering
Rehabilitation Fostering
Long-Term or Permanent Fostering
Therapeutic or Specialist Fostering
Remand Fostering
Respite Fostering
Emergency Fostering
Adoption and Fostering as a Career
Other Work with Children, Paid and Voluntary
Paid Work
Voluntary Work
Relationships with Other Children in Your Family and Neighbourhood

VII: HAVE YOU GOT WHAT IT TAKES?
Can You Be Honest with Your Child?
Telling the Facts of Adoption
What Are Your Attitudes about Birth Families?
Can You Be Positive and Supportive When Discussing Them?
What About Meeting the Birth Family?
Can You Support Tracing the Birth Family at 18?
Which Is More Important to You, Heredity or Environment?
Perfect Parents or Good Enough Parents?
Unconditional Love, but Love Is not Enough
The Challenge of Raising Someone Else’s Child
Adoptive Families
Your Wider Family: Where Do They Fit in?

VIII: WHO CAN ADOPT?
Your Age and Health
Race and Ethnicity
Trans-racial Adoption
The History of Trans-racial Adoption
The Philosophical Debate
Current Practice in Trans-racial Placement
Same-Race Placement: Inverse Racism or Common Sense?
Language
Your Citizenship and Legal Residence
Your Marital Status and Sexuality
What about Role Swapping?
If You Have a Criminal Record
Who Lives with You? Your Household
Do You Already Have Children?
Social Class
Your Educational Background
Your Work and Income; Other Money Matters
If You Both Work or You Are Single
Your Home and Lifestyle
Do You Have Pets?
Your Hobbies
Your Religion and Politics
What Positive Qualities Are Agencies Looking for in Adopters?

IX: APPLYING TO AN AGENCY
Do You Suffer from Social Worker Phobia?
Where to Find an Agency
Choosing Some Agencies to Approach
The Three Kinds of Adoption Agencies
Local Authority Social Services Departments
Voluntary Adoption Societies
Secular Societies
Religious Societies
Your First Letter to an Agency
The Agency Responds (or Maybe it Doesn’t)
"Only the Strong Survive": Hang in There
What if We Already Know of a Child We Want to Adopt?
Advertising or Paying Money

X: THE APPLICATION PROCESS
Adoption Preparation Classes
Your Classmates or the Competition?
Meeting Experienced Adopters
Your Formal Application to an Agency: The Home Study or Assessment
Filling in Form F
Part I
Part II
Supporting Documentation for Your Application
The Interviews
What if We Don’t Get on with Our Social Worker? Can We Change?
Signs of an Incompetent Agency or Social Worker
What’s Going on with the Birth Family and the Child During All This?

XI: GOING TO PANEL
The Panel
The Panel’s Members
The Panel Meeting
The Four Possible Outcomes
The Panel’s Decisions and What to Do Next
The Panel Defers its Decision
Your Application Is Accepted
The Match Is Also Approved
The Match Is Not Approved
Your Application to Adopt in Principle Is Rejected

XII: WAITING FOR A PLACEMENT
Acceptance Is No Guarantee of a Placement
Approval Is Not Permanent: Reassessment
Approaching Other Agencies
The Adoption Register for England and Wales
Adoption Clearing Houses and Photo-Listings Services
Preparing an Introductory Photo Album or Video
Preparing the Child’s Bedroom (or Not)

XIII: GETTING TO KNOW YOUR NEW CHILD
Help! We Were Supposed to Be Going on Holiday
Information about the Child: Your Right to Know
How Long Will the Introduction Period Last?
Who Is Involved in the Introduction Process?
What Happens During the Introduction Period?
Getting Ready at Home

XIV: MOVING IN WITH YOU: THE HONEYMOON
You’re Not on Your Own
The Social Worker’s Supervision Visits
How Are Things Progressing? Case Reviews
Why "Honeymoon Period"?
Take It Easy: There’s No Need to Rush
Parental Leave for Adopters
What about Re-Naming Your Child?
Registering with the Doctor and Dentist
Starting School
Applying for State Benefits
What about Baptism And Other Religious Rites?
What if the Birth Mother Changes Her Mind?
The Honeymoon’s Over! Welcome to Real Life
When Will We Really Feel We Belong to Each Other?
If Things Go Wrong (I): Behaviour Problems
Behaviour and Attachment Disorders
Attention Deficit Disorder and Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder
Oppositional Defiant Disorder
Conduct Disorder
Attachment Disorder
Fetal Alcohol Syndrome and Fetal Alcohol Effects

XV: THE LAW
The Legal Effects of Adoption
Parental Responsibility
Old and New Family Relationships
Adoptees and Inheritance
Your Will; Trust Funds for Disabled Children
Other Legal Provisions
Travelling with Your New Child
Adoption and Birth Certificates
The Legal Process, from Placement to the Adoption Order
Contested Adoptions
Other Legal Complications

XVI: AFTER THE ADOPTION ORDER
Telling Others the News
Publicity and the Media
Telling Your Child
Introducing the Subject to Your Child
Bullying
Telling Your Child about a Difficult Past History
Life Story Work
Adoption Keepsakes
What about Open Adoption?
Why Open Adoption?
Are There Drawbacks to Open Adoptions?
Does Contact Confuse the Child?
What Kinds of Contact Are There?
The Single Meeting
Annual Reports
Letterbox or Mediated Contact
Supervised Face-to-Face Contact
Direct Telephone or Letter Contact
Unmediated Face-to-Face Contact
Adoption with Contact Orders
A Final Word about Contact Agreements
Tracing the Birth Family
What Is Tracing?
When Can Tracing Begin?
Tracing in Childhood
Tracing in Adulthood
What Happens in Tracing?
What Are Tracing or Contact Registries?
What Happens after Contact Is Made?
Can Birth Parents Trace Adoptees?
I’m Afraid of Losing My Child to Her Birth Parents
If Things Go Wrong (II): Serious Trouble After Adoption
Where to get help
What Is Disruption?
What Causes Disruption?
What Does a Disruption Feel Like?
Can You Adopt Again after a Disruption?
Celebrating the Adoption
Adopting More Children
Isn’t It Greedy to Want More?

APPENDIX I: OVERSEAS ADOPTION
Why Do You Want to Adopt from Overseas?
Is Adopting from the Third World Ethical?
The Trans-racial Aspect of Foreign Adoption
The Financial Side of Overseas Adoption
Health and Emotional Deprivation in Overseas Adoptees
Cross-Cultural Problems in Adopting Older Children from Abroad
How Do I Go about a Foreign Adoption?

APPENDIX II: HOW SOME AGENCIES ANSWERED AN ENQUIRY FROM A BLACK COUPLE

MORE READING AND RESOURCES
Books
Magazines
Advice, Help Lines and Self-Help Groups
Adoption on the World Wide Web

GLOSSARY