IX. Applying to an Agency, Page 4
The Agency Responds (or Maybe it Doesn’t)
What you can expect from some of the agencies is a short letter saying that you do not fall within their guidelines and they suggest you try somewhere else. They may or may not tell you why. The reasons are not likely to be anything to worry about, but rather that you fall foul of some arbitrary rule (age, most likely, or you live outside their catchment area), or that they don’t have the kind of child you are considering and are not likely to have one in the foreseeable future. The more flexible you are in the kind of child you are able to consider the more likely to are to get an interested response.
These responses can vary from the lukewarm to the enthusiastic. Many agencies have a standard form letter or leaflet which they send out as a first response. This should tell you at a minimum what kinds of children they normally place, any strict criteria they have for prospective adopters, and what your next step is if you want to go ahead. An unaccompanied leaflet or form letter response is not a promising sign of an agency giving personalised service. Better is a leaflet and a personalised letter, showing some sign of having read your letter and registered your individual circumstances.
Some agencies will send you a preliminary application form. This is a good first step, especially if accompanied by a letter answering any particular questions you may have asked and by information about the kinds of children the agency places. A preliminary application form may ask some or all of these questions:
- Name,
- Address, previous addresses,
- Telephone number,
- Marital status, marriage date and place,
- Support networks you have (friends and family whom you can call on for help),
- Whether you are having or have had fertility treatment,
- General health and any serious illnesses or medical conditions which might affect your ability to adopt,
- Birthdate,
- Religion,
- Nationality, ethnic background and languages spoken,
- Occupation or employment (type and hours), income If working,
- How you would arrange child care,
- Pets in the house, hobbies or interests,
- How you would travel to the agency for interviews,
- Age and sex of child you would consider,
- Whether you would consider adopting a child with a disability,
- Number of children your would consider in a sibling group,
- Previous experience with children, including skills which would help in caring for children with special needs,
- What kind of placement you are considering (e.g., adoption, short- or long-term fostering),
- Why you want to adopt,
- Whether you have any other children already; their ages and sex, their attitude to you adopting,
- Whether you are interested in a particular child on the agency’s books,
- Information about other members of the household,
- How many bedrooms you have and where a new child would sleep,
- Whether you have previously applied to any agency, and the outcome of that application,
- Where you heard about the agency.
Far from being intrusive at this early stage, this shows the agency is interested in getting to know a lot about you.
Other agencies may want to see you in person first, when many of these issues will be gone over, and you will also be given a better idea about adoption in general and how that particular agency operates.
“Only the Strong Survive”: Hang in There
If you don’t get any response from an agency in three weeks, you could cross them off your list and forget them. There are plenty more fish in this particular sea. But this is the place to let you in on a little social work secret: ignoring you as a deliberate tactic. Many agencies are so plagued by applications from hopeful adopters that they can’t cope with them all, even though they wish they could. One way of separating the sheep from the goats is to play hard to get, especially at first. The idea is that the less committed will give up and go buy a dog. Like the song says, “Only the strong survive”.
It’s hard to tell whether you’re being ignored because the agency is incompetent or callous, or whether it’s a deliberate weeding-out tactic. If you are being ignored by an agency a long way away it probably means they genuinely can’t deal with you. If it is an agency you have a reason to be really interested in, persist, with a follow-up letter after a few weeks to let them know you’re keen and not to be put off easily. It isn’t like buying a house or an antique; showing enthusiasm is not going to make them jack up the price!
© Roger Ridley Fenton
