VII. Have You Got What it Takes?, Page 6
Your Wider Family: Where Do They Fit in?
Your wider family and friends come under consideration during your assessment. Will they be accepting and supportive; are they “safe” people for your child to associate with, will they be able and willing to help out if the need arises?
It may be just you who is adopting, but your child becomes part of a larger family, both culturally and legally. You need to discuss your plans with your parents, and maybe with other members of your extended family who are important to you. I don’t mean that you should put it to a vote, but do remember that grandparents who object to adoption, or racists in the family, can create real problems.
Some members of your family, friends or neighbours, may not be able to understand why you would want to adopt a child with special needs. You will need to explain it to them. They may even decide that they no longer want to be part of your circle. That will be their considerable loss, and I wouldn’t want people like that as my family or friends in any case.
From this point on I assume that you have read and thought about everything, discussed it with your partner, if you have one, and also with your family, and decided that you want to go on to adopt. The rest of the book is more practical, aimed at taking you through the process of applying to an agency, getting assessed, waiting for a placement, what happens after the placement, and what to do if things go wrong.
Welcome Aboard!
Naturally, having come this far, you’re getting pretty tired of navel-gazing. Now you can get some of your own questions answered. But some words of caution (or comfort) before starting off.
- Every adoption agency is different.
- Don’t be put off by any one thing you read in the next chapter which you think might prejudice an agency against you. It might not be a problem for the agency you apply to; it might even be a plus factor.
- If you get turned down by an agency, ask why. It may be something you can do something about before applying again; it may be something which will not be a problem for another agency.
- Local authority agencies are more likely to have rigid rules and age limits; voluntary adoption societies are more likely to be flexible.
- You don’t have to apply to your own local authority, not even as a first try. Especially if you are actively considering children with special needs (not just as a fall-back), you could well consider a voluntary society or a different local authority right from the start.
- If you are a practising member of any religion, investigate whether there are religious adoption societies for you. (At the time of writing, the current edition of the book Adopting a Child, which lists all registered agencies in the UK lists only one non-Christian religious agency: Norwood [Jewish].) But other independent and also Christian agencies place children from other religions in non-Christian families.
Next: Chapter VIII: Who Can Adopt?
© Roger Ridley Fenton
