XVI. After the Adoption Order
Happy Adoption Day! The big day has come and gone, and you are now officially a family. Your life entered a new but tentative phase when your child came to live with you. Now it’s official with a lifelong legal bond cementing the love and caring which began probably before you even met. But the story isn’t over yet; it never will be.
Telling Others the News
Probably one of the first things you did when you heard about your new child was to tell your family and friends what was about to happen. Everyone will have known about the up-coming court date for the adoption order, although you may have wanted to keep the day itself to yourselves as a close or extended family. You may also want to let people know officially.
There are several ways you can do it.
- You can buy commercial cards, like birth announcements (suppliers include Adoption UK and various companies on the Internet), or make some yourself.
- You can phone a few close friends and relatives and tell them to phone others.
- You can place an announcement in the newspaper, like a birth announcement.
- You can have the event announced in your place of worship or included in its parish newspaper.
Everyone will be as pleased as you are. If your child is old enough, be sure to consult with her; she may not want a big deal to be made of it. She may feel that this official day is insignificant, compared with the day she came to live with you (as indeed it is in many ways; the order itself can be little more than an official distraction). Or she may simply be a more private person.
Some people make the public announcement at the time of placement, so everyone knows who that new kid in the neighbourhood is. If you do this, you need to be very confident about the outcome.
Publicity and the Media
A word of warning about announcements in the media: By placing an announcement like this, you are apparently giving up your legal right to privacy. A few years ago a Scottish family found intrusive journalists on the doorstep and their lives invaded by a major newspaper, with their personal details, unauthorised photographs and names published nation-wide. When they appealed to the Press Complaints Commission it was ruled that by placing an ordinary adoption announcement in their local newspaper they had foregone their right to privacy: the adoption became fair game for news-starved and intellectually challenged journalists. I only know of one case like this, but the legal precedent seems to have been established.
On the other hand, you may be quite comfortable with the media. There is a never-ending demand for information about adoption, especially when changes in the law are being planned, or when some scandal erupts about an adoption agency’s treatment of applicants, or topics such as trans-racial adoption become flavour of the month. You may enjoy talking to reporters, being interviewed and photographed. If you let it be known to the right people that you are willing, and you are articulate and presentable, you may find yourself on the business end of a microphone, and your family on the Nine O’clock News, enjoying your allotted 15 minutes of fame. Adoption UK is one organisation which is often approached by journalists looking for families to illustrate a news story, and they keep a file of willing families. From personal experience, I can say that it can be fun and personally rewarding to spread the word that adoption is a great way to make a family, but you will never retire to Ibiza on the proceeds. Of course you must get your children’s consent before they are filmed, and any children in your family who are not legally adopted can only be filmed with the consent of those with parental responsibility.
Adoption UK has guidelines for people who are going to be involved with the mass media (most recently published in Adoption Today, no. 20, February 2000, page 3), and you should read them before you talk to a journalist. While our experiences have always been fun and we have never found ourselves or our thoughts distorted in the resulting broadcasts, other families have not been so lucky, and have found themselves misrepresented, with statements taken out of context and twisted to suit someone else’s agenda. If this happens you have no recourse. The Press Complaints Commission has shown itself to be completely ineffective, even in the few cases when they have been willing to rule against the journalist.
Adoption UK is also often approached by academics needing volunteers to fill in questionnaires or be interviewed about different aspects of adoption for serious study. Your experiences can contribute to the total sum of knowledge about adoption and child welfare.
Another way to contribute your knowledge and experience is by writing for Adoption Today or other magazines. They are always looking for contributions from adopters, adoptees and people waiting to adopt.
© Roger Ridley Fenton
