XVI. After the Adoption Order, Page 6
What Happens in Tracing?
This depends on whether there has been contact during childhood. Let’s assume for now that we are discussing an adult adoptee who has not had any contact with the birth family until now and does not know any identifying information.
The placing agency, or its legal successor if it is defunct, may help in the search, although there are other specialised services to help find the mother and make the initial contact. The way the initial contact with the birth parents is made is extremely important. The birth mother may or may not have told her family (current husband, later children, even her own parents) about the adoptee, and sudden, clumsy approaches can create a lot of problems. If the mother agrees, she and the child can begin contact by phone, letter or visits.
The time from receipt of the birth certificate or other identifying information to direct contact with someone in the birth family can be as little as a couple of days or take decades, depending on:
- The quality of the starting information (sometimes birth mothers give false names and addresses),
- What has happened to the birth family in the meantime (emigration, war, etc. can create real problems),
- The time available to the searcher, and
- Her dedication and expertise in using the resources available.
Many different kinds of records can come into play in a search, which is one reason why specialists such as NORCAP are such a help. The other is that they are skilled at making that important first approach to the person located. The usual route is to send a letter to the person. The text of the letter is written so that only the addressee or someone who knows the story will understand that this is an approach on behalf of an adopted birth child; to anyone else it will be an innocent request for information about someone they never heard of.
But the mother may be untraceable, have died, or for a number of reasons refuse contact. There is no legal recourse if she refuses contact; she has her own right to privacy.
- She may have made a new life for herself and contact may not be possible without badly affecting her current relationships.
- The circumstances of the adoption may have been so traumatic that she cannot bear to open up the wounds again.
- She may feel guilty about having let her child be adopted.
- She may be ashamed of her current lifestyle.
- She may have a husband now who forces her to reject contact.
Other members of the birth family are often involved when contact is made, and may welcome, tolerate or reject the adoptee. Rejection can be very traumatic, and there is an organisation, the Rejection-Network, for adoptees who have been rejected by their birth families (joining the club with Sir Henry Morton Stanley, whose birth family rejected several attempts by him to re-establish contact).
What Are Tracing or Contact Registries?
There are several government and voluntary registries where adoptees, adoptive parents and birth relatives can register their willingness or desire for contact with other parties. In some cases they can also register the fact that they do not want contact. Whenever someone signs up with one of these registries the details (names, birth dates, etc.) are matched against existing entries to find if another party to the adoption has already registered. If there is a “yes” match (both parties want contact) the adoptee will be informed and contact can be arranged. If there is a “no” match (one of the parties refuses contact) the disappointed party will be informed of that fact. If there is no match at all, the entry simply sits on the file and waits for a match to turn up. The more people who register the more effective they are and many matches have been made this way. Some registries offer counselling and help in making the initial contact; they all charge a nominal fee.
The main government register for England and Wales is held by the General Register Office in Southport, that for Scotland by Family Care in Edinburgh. The main voluntary register is kept by NORCAP, in Oxfordshire. There is also a large number of web sites which include contact registries, although most of these are for Americans, where official arrangements for tracing are still rare, and most states do not allow adult adoptees access to the necessary identifying information.
Can Birth Parents Trace Adoptees?
Yes, but it is not easy. There is nothing actually illegal in a birth parent tracing an adopted child, but most agencies will not give birth parents the necessary information. However, if a birth parent has a good reason, for example discovering that potentially fatal genes may have been inherited by the adoptee, or there is a need for a kidney or rare blood type donor, or the adoptee has been left money by a relative, many agencies will try to trace the adoptee, or the adoptive parents, even if the adoptee is still under 18. There is also no denying that a determined and well-resourced birth parent can also hire the private talent to find an adopted child, but it is rare.
But as stated above, the various contact registers are available to birth parents (and other birth relatives) to register their wish that they be contacted by a child who has been adopted.
© Roger Ridley Fenton
