XIV. Moving in With You: The Honeymoon, Page 5
Starting School
If your child is of school age and you don’t want to educate him at home you will have to start him in school. You will have discussed his arrival with the head teacher, classroom or subject teachers, and possibly the educational psychologist and remedial teachers already.
There is some leeway; he doesn’t have to march off to school the day after he arrives. And he can be eased into the school a little at a time. But he may be keen to get started: the continuing routine of school can help him feel more secure. His school may assign another pupil to be his mentor for a while, and most schools will make a real effort to make the newcomer welcome. Watch for the possibility of bullying, though, if your child is vulnerable, or maybe your child will resort to bullying to establish his place in the pecking order. If he is willing, take advantage of invitations to play at classmates’ homes. This all helps to integrate him into his new community. Be available to help with homework and to consult with teachers if necessary. It may even be a good idea with young children for you to actually spend time in the classroom for a limited period, but most teachers advise against this.
Obviously the school staff will know your child is adopted, but they won’t intentionally broadcast it around the playground. In some communities everyone will know anyway, especially if you have already adopted before. Don’t try to keep it a secret; it’s wrong in principle, impossible in practice and any secret like that renders him vulnerable to teasing and bullying. There may be some confidential information the school staff will need to know about the child’s past, medical conditions or explanations for particular behaviours. They only need to know what is necessary for their jobs. Be sure his records are transferred from his previous school. As with the doctor and dentist, you should be able to register him under his new name in advance of it being legal.
Benefits
You are eligible for Child Benefit from the day your new child comes to live with you; you don’t have to wait until you file the adoption application or until the adoption is finalised. Any other state benefits you may receive as an individual or family which have a supplement for dependent children should also be increased accordingly. Because adoption is not very common any more, you may have some trouble with your local benefits office, but don’t take no for an answer. Appeal against any adverse decisions.
You can also get the adoption allowance if you are eligible, from the day of placement. The Child Benefit office has in the past been particularly obtuse about this: you are entitled to both if the adoption allowance has a sum equivalent to Child Benefit deducted from it at source, which it usually does (check this with the adoption agency). If you don’t get an adoption allowance you are still eligible for the boarding out allowance from the agency until the adoption becomes final — until that date you are officially the child’s foster parents and are entitled to the same financial support as any other foster parents. Formerly the adoption allowance had to be granted before the adoption order was made; if it had not been granted because the child’s needs did not become apparent until later, for example, you were stuck. This is no longer true; as of April 2003 an adoption allowance can be applied for and granted any time until the child turns 18, including after the adoption order is made. And this rule change is retrospective: it even applies to adoptions already made before the rule change came into effect.
If your child is already getting Attendance Allowance or other benefits in his own right, the authorities need to be informed of the change in address and the placement, and the new bank account for electronic deposits of the benefits, if relevant.
Your social worker should also help you apply for any additional benefits the child may now be entitled to which he was not getting previously. If you are not happy that she knows her way around the benefits system (and it is so complicated nowadays that few do), go to the Citizens Advice Bureau or to one of the voluntary organisations that specialise in helping people claim the different disability benefits available. Unless you are independently wealthy you should feel no compunction about applying for and accepting any payments or benefits you can get: you are saving the state enormous amounts of money in the long run and you will certainly need it!
Don’t put off applying for benefits too long or they may not be backdated to the day of placement.
© Roger Ridley Fenton
