XII. Waiting for a Placement, Page 5
Preparing the Child’s Bedroom (or Not)
There is a great temptation to rush out as soon as you are accepted by the agency and (if you haven’t done so already) buy out the DIY superstore of self-assembly bunk beds, chests of drawers, seven colours of paint, mobiles, transfers, and the rest. Resist the temptation for a while at least.
Remember, there is the chance you will not in the end get any child at all. Or you may have to spend years with an unoccupied nursery or child’s bedroom (than which there is hardly anything more depressing). Or you may wind up with a boy when you planned for a girl and painted the room in five shades of pink with a fluffy pink carpet. Or you may be offered a baby even though you were originally approved for an older child. Or your new child may hate green (read what I write about triggers). It is better to wait until you have a surer certainty of a placement and know better what your new child will be like. But if you are hoping for an older child, you will probably want to have the room ready when she arrives. Close timing and reliable decorators are the key! If you are expecting a baby, remember that she won’t give a fig where she sleeps or what colour the walls are. All she wants (or needs) at first are you, Babygros and nappies. She will quite happily sleep in a drawer or cardboard box until you get her room done out.
If you have an older child placed with you, consider having her help in the redecoration. It can help her get to know you, experience the joy of choosing her own decor and she can get the pride of helping doing the work itself, if you’re able to handle this kind of “help”.
We were accepted as baby adopters and immediately did out a nursery. We waited several years before giving up on a placement and emigrating to another country. We had to live with that room mocking us every time we went up the stairs. Years later we applied to adopt a particular child and when the social worker was pretty sure we would be successful we decided to go ahead and change our older boy’s room into a double bedroom; we finished it just in time.
Back to School
You can also help prepare yourself for your new child. If you don’t already, you could start doing volunteer work with children, particularly the kind of special needs children you may have placed with you. Read books about child development and trauma and special needs. Attend parenting classes offered by your local hospital or further education college, or independent discussion groups such as the Veritas Parenting Programme (offered through churches and chapels). It is possible to overdose on the child guidance and development stuff, to the point where you feel confused or paralyzed by the sheer amount of information or the conflicting advice of different experts. Know when to stop.
Next: Chapter XIII: Getting to Know Your New Child
© Roger Ridley Fenton
