I. What is Adoption?, Page 4
What is the Purpose of Adoption?
We need to be clear about this from the start: there is only one legitimate purpose for adoption: to find a new and permanent family (the rather twee term “forever family” is often used) for a child who, for whatever reason, can no longer be cared for by his family of birth or his current legal parents.
Historically, even within living memory, adoption was often recommended as a way to patch up a failing marriage or as a cure for an adult’s loneliness. It was a way to bring the joy of children to a childless couple. It was a means of gaining more working hands for a farm or family business or help in the kitchen for a family with too many children of one sex and too few of the other. It provided someone to care for aged and sick relatives. It relieved the financial burden of too many children in the days before reliable contraception. It was a way for a “fallen woman” to escape the wrath of a scandalised society and for her illegitimate child to conceal her shameful origins. It was a means of cementing alliances between families and clans. In all these situations the interests of the child were considered last if at all. Those days have long gone.
One of the hardest lessons for some prospective adopters to learn is that adoption now is about finding the right home for a child. The interests of the child come first and last; the interests of the adopters are emphatically secondary.
That said, there is no doubt that a good adoption fills the needs of many people. A child who can no longer be cared for in his birth family finds a permanent, happy home. A family who want a child get one. Birth parents who cannot cope are given a chance to start again (although they are not relieved of the loss, pain and guilt they almost always feel). The social workers are relieved of a part of their caseload. And society gives a chance of a better, more constructive life to a child who might otherwise grow up to become a drain on the social services, courts and prisons. A classic win-win situation.
But in considering these positive side-effects we must never lose sight of the child’s interests. If we as prospective adopters are not able to put the child’s interests first we have no business adopting. We may not always agree with the decisions of social workers, but with rare exceptions they are trying their hardest in a difficult situation to do what is best for the child; they are able to look at the picture as a whole, disinterestedly; and they have a lot more information about the needs of that child than we, the prospective adopters do; so they are in the best position to make those decisions. It may be hard for us to accept rejection or a decision not to go ahead with a planned placement, but we must acquiesce, unless we have clear reasons for suspecting that people have really made a bad decision from the child’s point of view or seriously think we have been unjustly treated.
Next: Chapter II: Are There Lots of Babies to Adopt?
© Roger Ridley Fenton
